"The greatest love story of all time is contained in a tiny white host." - Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
I recently returned from the Florida Eucharistic Congress with a group from my parish. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the event, the Florida Eucharistic Congress is an annual gathering of Catholics which is hosted by the Diocese of St. Augustine. Each year's Congress is focused around the Eucharist, which Catholics believe is Jesus (you can read more about the Eucharist here). There are also many great guest speakers featured at each conference. A notable speaker at this year's conference was Fr. Robert Spitzer SJ from EWTN.
This was my first time attending the Florida Eucharistic Congress. Over the course of the Congress, Christ touched an area of my heart that was in desperate need of healing. One of the personal sufferings I have struggled with lately is self-hatred. Like many, I can lend an ear to that overly critical inner voice. I had grown to have an intense dislike of myself, and I believe this could in part be because I had started to give too much importance to external characteristics. I wasn't satisfied with the talents God gave me; I would feel jealous of the gifts of others. I wasn't satisfied with the way I looked; I would wish I could look more like so and so. I wasn't satisfied with the way my voice sounded; I wished I had a deeper voice. These are just a few examples of my struggle with self-hatred. Instead of embracing my unique identity and the way I was created, I wanted to change myself. I wanted to be someone other than the man God created. What an insult to the Creator! Without realizing it, I was essentially telling God He didn't do a good enough job. Ouch!
During the course of the Congress, some events happened which led me to have a deep and healing experience of Christ's love. One of the first events that touched me at the Congress was "Living Stations of the Cross," which was a prayer service with a dramatized reenactment of Jesus's journey to Calvary as He bore His cross. The narration took place from the perspective of His mother Mary as she followed her Son through the crowds and suffered with Him. While the costume and performance were superb, the prayerful aspect of the service led me to meditate on Christ's sufferings in a very personal way.
One part of the performance that struck me in particular was when Jesus dropped His cross three times while on the way to Calvary. Each time He fell on the way to Calvary, the weight of the Cross would have crushed Him into the gravel and intensified His already astonishing agony. Even though He was exhausted and pushed to the limits of endurance, He chose to get up and keep walking. He could have easily chosen to give up His sacrifice for me right then and there as He lay on the ground, but He chose to keep walking despite the agonizing pain. He picked up His Cross and kept walking for me. Covered in bruises and blood, and with flesh and bone exposed from His scourging, He felt the Cross dig into His shoulder, yet He did not throw it down.
The fact that Jesus willingly chose to suffer so deeply for me showed me that I have worth. I have value in His eyes. His sufferings prove His personal love for me. I have a dignity that does not rely on external characteristics such as my appearance or achievements, but on the fact that I am deeply and personally loved and known and wanted by the God that created the Universe.
Another way I had a powerful encounter with Christ was through receiving Him in Holy Communion during the Mass which was celebrated during the Congress. While I have experienced spiritual consolation through this Sacrament before, something was different about this particular reception of Communion. Once I was back at my seat, I knelt on the ground and began to pray. While in prayer, something came over me and I began to cry. This wasn't a simple tear or two that trickled down my face, but tears that poured down my face as my nose began to run. While it is hard to put into words, during my personal epiphany moment, I became overwhelmed as I realized Christ's love for me at such a deep level. I tried to hide my tears, but the person next to me noticed what was happening and affirmed that they have experienced something similar! My reception of Communion at the Eucharistic Congress was a transformative moment in my relationship with Jesus.
On top of becoming more aware of and appreciative of Christ's love for me, I have also become aware of the call to reciprocate that love. One important truth in the Christian spiritual life is that much will be expected of the one to whom much is given. Imagine the state of a soul who receives so much love and grace from Christ, yet shows little or no love in return. The selfishness of such a soul is a shame.
I openly admit that I am a sinner, and there are many areas of my life in which I have failed to love Christ. My call to continued conversion was felt very strongly during this weekend. I must distance myself from that which distances me from Christ, and reorient my life towards loving and serving Him. I seek to know Him more personally than ever before.
After my encounter with Jesus at the Florida Eucharistic Congress, I have begun to build my identity around the fact that I am a child of God who is deeply loved by Him. I pray you will encounter your identity in Christ, regardless of whether or not you have struggled with self-hatred. Like the saying goes, "know thyself!"
Geo
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